tomorrow is going to be a good day. an artistic day ... a cold winter day... in October.
\m/

omg. not having to get up super early for the last 2 days has been soooo awesome. I've actually woken up at 8:30ish anyway, but then I say in bed on my computer til 11 :) It feels sooo luxurious.
More Bday celebrationz soon and on monday another Bday massage. hell fuckin yes. \m/
perhaps even some pictures in the snow... if I get my wish... ^.^

It snowed yesterday (the 27th)... it snowed quite a bit actually. I was at my new friend Hammam's place smoking a j when we looked out the open window and saw flakes. It was kinda magical, actually! I think it was the first time he's seen snow? (He's from Saudi Arabia and is used to temperatures 120+ ) We stuck our hands outside to catch snowflakes. :) I caught a whole bunch! Poor kid's hand FROZE after a few minutes.. fingers were stuck, I thought he was joking but his hand was actually frozen into a claw for a good 5 minutes. lol.
Normally I would have felt annoyed by snowfall this early in the year ... but.. for some reason (maybe cuz I was high) I loved it. and then I wished it would stay a few more days for my birthday. It would be kinda neat if it snowed on my birthday... at least, that's how I feel about it this year. ;) That kind of thought is very unlike me, hahah. Apparently I'm fairly depressed so maybe that's why. (But that's another story.. went to get neurological testing on weds to see why my brain functions have been rather poor lately.. thankfully it's nothing serious but that's what their diagnosis was instead. I kinda scoffed at the idea of that being the cause but then read about how depression actually does make your hippocampus shrink after awhile :/ and I *have* been dealing with this for several months now... I sure hope this is reversable.. *skurred*.. D: ..) But yeah, I tend to enjoy rain and snow more when I'm feeling low... doesn't everyone?!

working all weekend now that I'm a workaholic, my legs are startin to feel it. I gotta start going to the gym again but I barely have time to breathe lately! Thankfully after this next week my schedule will be consistent and I will have 2 days off every week... the same 2 days every week. That should help!

I paid off ALL of my credit card debt this month. I'm super psyched I don't have that hanging over my head anymore. Only thing hanging over my head now is about 12k in student loans.... >< But... instead of putting aside cash every month and saving for my next exotic vacation, which is what I *want* to do... I'm going to aggressively pay off this loan for a little while , cuz I hate the idea that the interest rates will eventually double the original cost of the education if I let it go too long. Fuuuckkk that!
but, happily, I'm making so much $$ now that I should be able to make some gooood progress on that. :D
yessss.

time for breakfast. and work. and then... stopping by a party for a few hours before I wake up and do it all over again. WoO!

I have a rare bit of free time tonight, so it's time to write! unfortunately not for long, though, as my tendonitis is extremely bad the last few days. *shakes fist* ... damn you, videogames, for ruining my body!! arrghhHH!! All of those endless hours... how was I to know they would later cripple me for life?!

Working 3 jobs has been... interesting. I am also in 2 music projects at the moment.. (I'm pretty ecstatic that we're going to be continuing in the spirit of Sorrowseed and it's not going to die out thanks to one crazy motherfucker). I've been traveling like *CRaZy* up until this month when I got the jobs, although I haven't quite stopped with that. I've got trips scheduled at least once per every upcoming month for the next... probably... 4 months at least.

- I realized a few weeks ago that it has been over 1.5 years since I started this weird, overachieving kind of behavior... packing as much as I possibly can into every single day. Not having any time to simply hang out with friends. (I always made time for my boyfriend, that was about it, socially.) Everyone else I saw like, once a month or once every few months.
This realization was triggered by seeing these friends I hadn't seen in awhile and us going, "Let's make some plans to hang out some weekend this summer!" ... and I had a flashback to the previous summer... when we had the exact same conversation, and I remember thinking THEN, "But when..? I don't think I can fit this in anywhere, I don't HAVE any free weekends!" ... which holds true presently. Indeed... we never did get together this summer either. =/

I'm not quite sure why, or when this developed... for what reason. But I've been able to juggle all of it fairly well, except for getting stressed out sometimes about having too much going on. I started using a planner/calendar to keep track of things and on almost every day, there are multiple things going on... events, traveling, shoots, school, shows, whatever, and somehow I got used to this degree of activity, and it became normal for me. Wtf?? What does it MEEEAN??

I've also told myself several times in the last year that I was going to stop this and cut back on things... and I've largely been unable to do it. I don't know why.. except that sometimes, I have trouble saying 'no' to people when they want me to be at their events.

I've come to the conclusion that I have an excessive personality. I used to classify this before as "addictive" personality (in the past... I've become extremely addicted to: videogames, getting drunk and/or high, tripping, sex, shoplifting, lol). However.. I am seeing it differently now. Now I just realize .. that when I'm into something... I am INTO IT. I do everything EXTREME. To the fucking MAX. There is no half-assed, in between... it's either all or nothing.

yet, I still can't figure out where all of this over-achieving is coming from. I've hypothesized that perhaps it's because of the many years I spent UNDERachieving and wasting my life/brain cells.

In any case, I am finally starting to wean myself from being triple-booked every day. I have started forcing myself to make sure to leave empty blocks on my calendar... even if they're on weekends. Even if I have to let some people down. :( Or miss something cool. :( I just... need to have some time to relax, to take a bath.. to clean my room. To stare blankly at the tv for an hour for the first time in years.

umm... I also discovered I LOVE those "Pop Corners" chips that Jet Blue gives you on flights. hahahah. And they carry them at a grocery store nearby! They are always stocked in my pantry now, it's kind of silly. They are SO GOOD. /drool

October this year has been pretty epic.
Which is good because it has offset the melancholy that has started to happen in October due to certain devastating life events 2 years ago. (Hopefully that melancholic feeling will lessen over time.. because October has always been my favorite and happiest month for obvious reasons including fall, my birthday/Halloween, publicly accepted spookiness, and stores carrying more of the types of clothing and makeup that I normally wear, lol.

My huge birthday party was insane... the pictures say it all.. I've gotta get those up on FB soon but some are rather scandalous and not FB-friendly, haha. I got some amazing birthday presents (and it's not even my birthday yet!), people have done some amazingly sweet and thoughtful things... one of my presents was a 4 HOUR DUAL MASSAGE from a guy and a girl I went to school with and it was the best massage I've ever had in my life. I threw and hosted/performed at my first Halloween club night, which although wasn't a giant turnout, was still amazingly fun ... and this cute girl that I know through the club scene did the most touching and adorable thing I've seen all year... she went to the Halloween party as ME. awww!!!! !)(*@#!)(@*#@)#! omg!!! It was SO FUCKING CUTE! And she really did look like me! People kept walking up to her saying "Hey Lil", hahahaha! omg it was so awesome. LOVE LOVE LOVE <3 .. and more love... =)

went to my first NY ComiCon which was kinda cool. A little overwhelming and overpriced, but I did make some good connections there, made some new friends... and met this really adorable girl that I've been talking to almost every night since then. rawrrr :D

so yes. Of course, it hasn't been all good. There's been some bad, and some very sad in there too. =/
but hey... life is a rollercoaster, you gotta ride it.

I completed my MT training and graduated earlier this month too... the day before my epic early bday bash. I'll be learning Reiki next month from one of my wonderful teachers and I feel that could be the beginning of a whole new me. (Actually, it's already started, I think...)

Once I am attuned to feel that energy... and GIVE that energy.. I will have the true power of healing and I think it will transform me .. to the higher self that we all thrive to reach.

This year I've done a lot of changing ... and a lot of growing. I cannot wait to see what 2012 will bring. I think it may be pretty awesome!!

ahhh! :D

okay, that's enough for now!

well, one aside is that I did look into transferring my livejournal entries and it MUST be done by hand. ughhh. :( But I'm going to make myself do it. For myself. Over time.. I've learned that keeping a journal is so important. Years down the road I am going to look back over these entries and relive all of these memories. (While being able to share them with others, too!)
and that is something that is so incredible valuable. which is why I'm going to start writing regularly again. Because this is my life... and it is awesome. :) Dammit.

goodnightz!

WOOHOO!! Graduation tonight - giant party tomorrow ... friends coming in from outta town... amazing weekend about to start!!! =D yay!!!!!!!

gonna be sooo awesome, I'm getting butterflies in my tummy ahhHH!

I think I should have an early bday party every year lol. Then be free to have a smaller party or let someone take me out on my actual birthday. It's like having 2 birthdays in one month!! :)

I am in the mood for musings.
but all I actually do is think about these things, and not write them. hehe. I think about writing in here a lot ...

hmmmmmmm, I say.

Halloween is awesome. October is here. October means awesome... for the most part. Except for those nagging nightmares that have happened during October about my dad for the last 2 years.
oh well, hopefully that'll fade. eventually?

eventually ........

umm, my birdie is wicked cute. :) he is getting smarter. it's so nice to hear his cheerful little voice when I open the door and walk into the house. he sure is LOUD! I can't wait until he can sing songs with/back at me.... few more months.. when he reaches maturity... :)
awwww

k that's it for now! not getting any deeper than that right now! lol

xoxox

wtf! Just noticed that my twitter feed stopped posting automatically in here EONS ago.
well that sucks.

not sure what I'm going to be doing with this LJ right now - I kind of want to revert back to my old one since I'm getting away from this "acs" dealy. It was fun but I've sorta moved on from that. I would like to be blogging again still but it's a matter of where I guess. I tried to start a new wordpress blog awhile ago and never had the time to keep up with it. hmm.

if I DO move back to my old journal... does anyone know if it'd be easy to import my entries here into the other journal? I'd like to keep it all together... if possible... instead of keeping this one alive for no reason other than to keep old entries I've written......