I'm almost done, only 4 more weeks until some of my sanity will be restored!!
This is so hard... it's so incredibly difficult to maintain my life during these 4 classes full of papers on literature I can barely understand, writing speeches, memorizing lines for scenes!! fuck!! all of this while trying to juggle my personal life, and still find time to work. I'm soo unhappy :( and it's starting to affect me, I'm snapping at people and getting pissed off over dumb stuff and blowing people and things off, and ...just... wowww. lol. I don't even have time to clean my room properly. =(
I need a vacation!!!!
it's pretty far off, although if I make it out to Vegas for AVN in Jan, that'll be a mini-vaca. That all depends on work though, as it is things have been pretty slow, I've had a lot of cancellations and stuff lately, and if I can't save enough cash then NO vacation for me. Guess I'm gonna have to be doing more cam shows to try and make that happen. If I can find time for that, that is! heh. arrRRGHHhh.
I have way too much going on; I really need this to be over so I can get some sort of handle on things.

on another note, it really pisses me off when photographers return 10% of the goddamn photos that were taken over a 2-3 hour period of time. ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS FREE WORK. When its FREE WORK, ALL of the photos should be given, not fucking 20 pictures out of 300+. This happened recently with someone I thought was gonna be cool but now they're ignoring my request for the photos - it's like... dude, maybe you think the photos you chose were the best out of all of them, but I'm SURE that my opinion is going to differ from yours! I saw lots of them on the camera that looked a lot better than some of which were sent...
not fucking cool, I'm getting really angry about that. I put forth time and effort to do this shit and I get like 20 photos back from it that are all edited and have borders put on them which I DID NOT want or ask for - I asked for the raw photos, I KNOW how to edit photos goddamnit, I'm not a fucking airhead like half of the girls who get their photos taken. christ. I really need to just start taking MY OWN damned photos - I'm starting to get some equipment finally... now I just need the space to do so. It's a lot nicer when there's someone around to hold the camera, but if it's going to cut the amount of fucking bullshit I gotta deal with, its probably worth the sacrifice.

*anger*

fuckin' a man. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


on a side note to that, I've realized recently that I should probably look into going to some kind of anger management someday. I mean, I've always been a pretty hyper person full of rage. that's part of my charm after all! (well, at least I'm told... hehe) but... although it's wonderful for the purpose of making music... it's not too healthy after awhile. so, after I have some more fun being in a band and making awesome angry music... I uhh... may just want to start learning how to control stuff, because flipping out over stuff isn't always a great idea. It tends to alienate people when they spend too much time with me (as my boyfriend pointed out me being too grumpy on a day-to-day basis, after spending a week with me in close quarters....heh.. some people can handle it but others get sick of it after awhile, understandably) yeah I guess sometimes I should just take a minute and breathe instead of allowing minor things to irritate me -- although, I've been extremely stressed out the last few weeks, so I know some of it is because of that.
coping mechanisms, yeah, I need those...
maybe I should check it out sooner rather than later. The older you get, the more havoc stress wreaks on your body...
too bad I don't have the time right now to add anything else to my over-packed schedule... maybe after I get back from whatever vacation I end up taking.... I should have more time then, unless I get bogged down by a "normal" job, which will likely happen anyway so I can pay off debts and such..... blaahhHHHHH.

too much, too much I say. I definetely look forward to the winter for once. I'll be enjoying some sun in a far-off land away from the stress and drudgeries of my life in New England.


I haven't written about my bday yet but I plan on that cuz I had a lovely time and want to make sure I write about it.

but, back to memorizing Shakespeare for the time being. wo00