I thought the most stressful period I've experienced in my whole life to date was finally over.
Its only just fucking beginning.
I hate this futile existance.

I just have "One" stuck in my head... don't take that too literally... heheh..

although I guess I suppose it could apply..

relaxing over here in the warmth. It's been so nice just to go outside and go for a walk. On a clear day, you can see the mountains in every direction you look. It's beautiful. Staying with V and Johhny who are both awesome as hell.

it's only been 4 days... feels like a lot longer. I do feel bad being away from my family right now. It's got to be so much harder for them...
but me... I just run away... detachment is a survival skill I learned a long time ago, the hard way...

a lot of unsettling stuff is getting drudged up from the past .... also haven't gotten a decent night's rest without the aid of benzo's yet. continuous nightmares... about anything and everything... a lot of times they end with me screaming at the top of my lungs in anger, anguish, fear, or sorrow.


I really hope everything will be ok while I'm gone. Matt decided to take off the fuckin' day after I left without bothering to tell me first or to finish some of the things I'd counted on him for. That's just great. Really not the first thing I wanted to hear when I got settled here. Not sure how that's gonna work out when I get home yet, all I know at the moment is I am highly dissapointed and surprised at his taking off and lack of correspondance thereafter. pff.

I miss Damien soo much. =( I wish I had him to cuddle with.
V's shephard Kisa is very cute though. We took her for a walk in the park yesterday.

I've been sick since I got here though. fucking figures. Wasn't sick ALL winter, now I have to get ill on day 1 of my vaca.

think I'll go outside and play some games on my phone... since I don't have my laptop... *sigh*... that's another thing I really need and really miss. :( That decided to break a couple days before I left, after Nick's magic touch made it crash irrepairably... Ryan's fuckin wiping the damn thing for me now because that's the only option =(

mehhh. it's been another rough start to a year... not as bad as last year though. Although some pretty tragic things have happened already... I still know it'll be better than last year was.

yay for sun and going outside in shorts in Jan/Feb though. wo0t. l8rzz