teh bRaiN sEWaGe of teh LiL OnE , haha XD

Twitterzzzzzzzz

Fri, 09 May 2008 00:22:20 GMT

09:31 is going to lame yearly "spread your legs" exam. Fun fun. #
09:51 is waitin in the blue paper robe....brrrr....cold.... #
11:02 WANTS to fuckin play Everquest for just 1 measly hour for the first time in weeks, but apparently all of the servers are down! nice! #
14:00 waiting for the bus now. time to frantically do my homework and go to class in 2h. #
18:38 starting to regret not wearing more than a tank top... it is only May, after all. Whatever was I thinking.... #

get a free pass to my site!

Tue, 06 May 2008 16:34:29 GMT

on may 9th only (that's FRIDAYYYYYYYY)
you join one of my free affiliates, I give you free access for a month. it's the same one I've been using for awhile though, so if you've already joined it within the last 3 months you won't be able to do this. email me for the info'z and you do need a valid credit/bank card or whatever (for age verification only)
acamstar@gmail.c0m

grrrr.

Mon, 05 May 2008 14:26:00 GMT

facebook is like... FUUUCKEED up.    not that I care all that much, but any of the few times I've tried to use it the last few days, ummm yeah. I really need to change some stuff on there but... yeah hahah.
so I blasted my heat last night. and it's REALLY WARM TODAY.   ARGH.   bye bye money! =(
I'm thinking of reopening my members site for pretty cheap passes cuz I'm gonna need some travel cash..... so if you've been interested in joining it, umm... keep an eye out.   It'll be a sweet deal... lol.
I've been workin out like crazy today. It feels goooooood!! I need to buy a new bathing suit, ack! that's totally girly shopping and I hate doing girly stuff. hahah.   but I needez one...!
hrmmm.......

well I've got a pretty freakin busy day so I'd better get goin in a minute.   I woke up at 6:45 today and went to the bakery where I got chai, an apricot croissant (MMMM omg), and a poppycream muffin.   and Addie came with me to help things along. She and I have had a great morning together so far! and it's only fuckin 10:30am! wow. yeah, getting up early sometimes can be really freakin awesome.

alrighty, laterz!

le sighhh!

Sun, 04 May 2008 03:58:59 GMT

had a very relaxing day today..... most of it was spent being lazzzzy in bed....    Nick gave me one of his diazepams and told me to go back to sleep.... lol... it's been a rainy, crappy day out. that was around 10am...... I fell back to sleep, until being woken up again at 4pm. hahah. I don't even think I moved, unlike usual. by the time I got up, I felt like I'd completely renewed myself. haven't had such a restful sleep in ages. I felt like it was fuckin first thing in the morning cuz it was still light around 5:30 - hard to believe most everyone else had already been halfway through their day.....

then warm yummy showertime, then a biggg bowl of Stagg chili & rice sprinkled with bacon for dinner, it fuckin hit the spottt.   hahah.

I decided, since it was absolutely fuckin freezing, to pamper myself today and jack up the heat.   It's really warm in here. I'm about to run out of oil but at this point I guess I don't fuckin care man. It's May now, HOPEFULLY I won't need to get any more oil cuz umm... I can't afford that right now hah.

my new tattoos are doing great, they're really healing up pretty quick.   I went to the Purple Scorpion in Salem and got hooked up by their artist Jon.   he did some stuff for Powerglove so I got a couple of small things on my hands that I've been wanting - some really meaningful stuff that I want close to me at all times. They're starting to look really awesome and it was only done less than 36 hours ago. He does awesome work and is a super nice dude, so if you're in New England you should definetely hit him up.
next up is my Scorpion... I'm gettin that sucker redone and doing it the right way ^.^    I just need to find the perfect looking one and then get me a ride and I'm good to go.   RAWR.

finally had to break down and buy a new phone over the weekend. I love my SK2 but it finally just couldn't survive any longer. There were all sorts of things going wrong with it, stuff that's been broken a long time... etc etc. it wasn't holding a charge anymore.. .so yeah... I got the fuckin sidekick lx.... MEHHH.   I suppose it's alright for the time being, but it was highly fuckin... WAY TOO overpriced.   I'm not even entirely impressed with it at the moment either, so I may just end up returning it.   I just couldn't wait any longer, though. I want either the next iPhone or Google's upcoming device....     but those are still a ways off (although I hear the new iphone is only a couple months from now) and I needed a new phone, now... so... mehh.    yippieeee.

I feel so good and fuzzy and warm right now :)   I'm wearing my Dam sweater......... and sweatpants...    and I think I never fully woke up from my Valium sleep.... so I'm doing really good right now.   hehe.   It's been such a stress-free day and I've really fuckin needed some of that. I'll probably continue to chill out, maybe find something to do but I'm kinda glad my plans for this evening fell through. I'm enjoying my time much better right now. It's just... me time right now. mmm lovely :>

I was wide awake earlier, felt like I could potentially be up all night cuz of the vast amount of sleeeep I got (oh yeah, I had lots of dreams about fire. lol. wtf?) but I'm feeling almost like I could doze off again any minute now... so I think I'm good. Must be the heat ^.^

oh yeah, and I got a new toy today from one of my favorite slavies.   It's a pink vibrator.    looks pretty hawt. I think I might use it before bed. hehehe. If not, then I def will after I get home from work tomorrow and need some form of tension release :)

alrighty.   here's one of my healing tattoo's!! :)

laterrrrrrzzz......

cold =(

Thu, 01 May 2008 18:05:35 GMT

I hate to sound like a broken record, but do you know how much happier I'm going to be when I don't live in New England anymore?
god fuckin dammit man. All I want is to be fuckin comfortable, but that's way too much to ask around here.   way too much.
I'm not payin for fuckin oil in May, therefore I am freezing my ass off.
There were a few days in April that were so warm I was able to walked around naked and sleep sans clothing for 2 days AND have my fuckin windows open.   But you really can't bank on that sort of weather on anything of a regular basis until at least June, around here, and even then there are cold days.   you know, it fuckin snowed in June 3 years ago.
so I'm going to go bundle up to go to work now.   happy happy!!!!!!!!!!
this whole school thing is taking way too long =(
next winter I'm not staying around here dude.   I've already got plans to crash with friends in various WARM locations of the US.
alright. later.

One of my personal heroes....

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:27:16 GMT

wow, he lived a long life....

RIP, Albert <3

Albert Hofmann, 102

brrr

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:05:04 GMT

it's fuckin freezin again, just as expected.
I refuse to put on more clothing right now so I turned the heat back on. yay for spending more money on oil!     -.-
anywayz. I haven't been writing in here as much, cuz I'm mostly writing for class and stuff. I can't believe the semester's almost over again. I don't even know what I'm taking in the fall yet. I gotta meet with my counselor sometime soon..

*shivers*   goddamn fuckin new england.... !   I was happy bein naked last week, dammit. COME BACK SUN!

well I just booked my flight to Oregon for the fuckin Powerglove & Dragonforce show. hehe!! it's going to be fuckin awesome!! I'd post the show details for anyone that lives out there... but it's already sold out. 1500 people motherfuckaaa!   omgz.   I can't wait. :)   RAWR. Then I think we're hittin up CA before heading back to crapsachusettes.    I've been dying to go to CA for a few years now, so it's going to be awesome. I hope to meet a lot of fans and sum mah CAMGIRL buddies who live out there.   :> WEEE!!

alright, well, got a lot of stuff to do and then I need to go to the LIBERRY and write 8 pages or so. I have noooo idea what I'm going to write about yet, so yeah. I gotta go. haha. later!!    leave me comments dammit, my journal feels lonely! :)

eh

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:59:03 GMT

Lame weekened this is shaping up to be so far. My plans for today got fucked up bigtime and now I'm out several hundred bucks and got nothin to do now either.... I'm trying to find something to do and not think about it since there's nothing I can do about it, but I'm having a hard time not being pissed off. There's nothing quite like throwing away large sums of money for no reason. this is actually the 2nd friday in a row I've done that too, although last week's wasnt as much...

ehh my fuckin head hurts =(   I'm stressed out. I think I need to smoke copious amounts of pot or something.   kill some more brain cells, woo.
tomorrow's lookin like errand day since I haven't had any time for that in the last two weeks, and I gotta work on Sunday (which I guess is good, considering I really need the fuckin cash now).
so yeah... great weekend ahead.   I guess there's potential for tomorrow night not to blow, but we'll see.

at least as soon as I got the news earlier that I should go home, I was complimented on my baldness twice in a row on my way back.   the first came in the form of a crude male compliment from a homeless guy... but then was one from a nice, middle aged black lady on the train.   she liked it a lot. they both said it looked good on me; I wear it well.    that was nice. I mean I know it does, that's why I've decided to keep it this way for a bit, now that its warm again (fucking finally) .... but it's always nice to be confirmed by another human being or two, every once in awhile. and the vast contrast in the two humans it came from was pretty cool... there was something oddly satisfying about it....

I'm also really fucking pissed off that I'm not seeing Children of Bodom tonight. :(   This is probably gonna be the last time they'll play a decent set and I'm not going to fuckin be there.     I'd been looking forward to that :(   fuckin lame, and it's not even like I'm doing anything cool now instead.

well then. I'm gonna go find something to do and try to get rid of this insane urge to smash something. I wish I was going up to see my friends tonight to have some more fun HATCHET TIME, right now, instead of next weekend. grrrrrr.
.....

what a fucking lame ass goddamned Friday.   wow.

sweet!

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:55:43 GMT

so I found this new networking site that apparently pays you to use it! I mean, not talking a ton of cash here but it seems that once you get started you can make a worthwhile amount of cash in a month. There are a lot of people on there already, too!
check it outtttt and fuckin hit me up on there. I want some friends to comment back and forth with, the more active you are on the site the more you get from them... :)

-----> check it!

indeeeed

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:21:33 GMT

I've been good about staying away from my computer for awhile. Way too much time goes by as soon as I sit down in front of it; there are simply too many other things that need my attention more. so yeah. intranetz = badz!! heh. I have been getting some other things done, though, so w000ha. I've finally got my compy back up and running, thanx to Mark, and my tax return, hahah. mmmm new stuffs.

hehe. thank the sweet lord - I have a huge part of my life back now. My functionality involving a lot of different things was really fuckin suffering a LOTTTTTT.     mmmm gaming.   mmmm more media. mmm video and music editing. ooooh I can multitask again while having my streaming cam on. hehe! those are just a few in the longggg list of things that I missed during the 6 MONTHS I didn't have a good compy! I can't believe so long went by, lol.

and yeah, I understand this post completely contradicts itself.   but aside from having the new compy, I'm using a certain amount of restraint before I go plummeting headfirst back into cyber world ^.^

it's finally starting to get nicer out (although the last 2 nights have been fuckin frigid... wtf)   and my soul is positively singinggggg.

semester's almost over, soon summer will take over, and I've got a lot of fuckin GOOOOOOOD shit planned out.   I'm going to fuckin California!!!   omgz!!!   finally! lol. Cali is pretty much the only place still within the US that I haven't been to yet and have been dying to go.   I can't fuckin wait.   =)

alright, that concludes my rambling for today. I must get back to writing some of this novel ;)
laterrrrrrrz!~~~~!!

Things I Don't Understand, Vol. 3

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 21:37:42 GMT

Why someone on the fuckin bus yesterday had a BABY CRYING as their ringtone. It went off twice during the ride.
Why the fuck would you CHOOSE to have something so horribly assaulting to your ears go off? I mean sure, maybe it was a custom tone for one person or something, but WTF!!! I wanted to fuckin punch this guy!! lol

"there you were, my precious.. with your broken soul... "

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 03:04:46 GMT

hahaha. check out my virtual chat bot. It's almost sorta like taking to me... the lite version, or somethin. I tried to program it with a decent amount of my own smartass answers ^.^ I've been getting some pretty fuckin amusing chat transcripts from it, I'll probably throw up some of the best ones at some point, hah.

Things I Don't Understand, Vol. 2

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:14:12 GMT

Why Verizon continuously sends me, a fios customer for the last 6 months, offers and "invitations" in the mail, for their amazing, LOW PRICED, fiber optic services.

.......what the fuck.

tiireeeeeeeeeedddd

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:59:19 GMT

I am fuckin exhausted today.   The last few days have been full of drivingggggggg... and kissing. lots of kissing. :)    oh, and some fuckin WALKING of course, too. My legz are sore from trekking around more often than usual. I've really been pushing my already sore muscles there. My tongue's sore cuz of all the friction pushin against my jewelry in there. ;) my head's a little sore - maybe that's from the driving and being tired. It's been like that for a couple of days now.
I dunno why but I just feel like I didn't sleep much at all last night, although it was a good, uninterrupted 7+ hours. =/

wow, another time I've been really glad that livejournal auto-saves your entries as you're writing them, now. (it didn't, back in the day)
cuz I just somehow hit a link to another page and lost what I was writing... but auto-restore brought it back. yay! heh.

I wish coffee was closer. I need about 5 fuckin espresso shots right now, I think. I'm seriously considering just going back up to bed for awhile.... shit.
I was hoping to actually do something with my day today, but my head is totally out of it and my body is too.    GRAH.   I think maybe I caught someone's fuckin cold too, cuz I'm a little congested... my throat was kinda sore yesterday.
grrrrrrrr.

I hate when I finally have some time to myself and it gets fucked up by not feeling well, or by someone else comin along to take up all my time, or by spending all of it simply on doing online correspondance on stupid social networking sites and shit like that.

ah well. *yawn*
I may just crawl back in to bed, after all.
meh!

awesome weekend

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:10:38 GMT

hahah. yay! Darren from Arsis came to visit for 3 days... we partied it up, then on Sat was the fuckin Powerglove show with Peelander-Z!!! fucking amazing!!! The show sold out within 30 minutes... had to turn away a lot of peepz... sorry to anyone who came down and couldn't get in! the shit was off the CHAIN. Powerglove tore it up on fuckin stage, I dumped confetti all over EVERYONE while looking super freakin hawt, and PEELANDER was fuckin AMAZING. I've never seen such an awesome stage show. TOTAL chaos and insanity the entire time! and they were super nice guys, too!
At the bar I ran into one of my OLLLDDDEST internet buddies - one of the first I ever met on aol, actually, Tommy! fuckin craziness! He's a bartender at the ME now. fuckin sweeeet lol.

anyway, here's some fuckin awesome photos (thanx Zygore), there's a couple underneath from ANIME BOSTON which was also pretty fun... and then I gotta fuckin run out and do my homework... goddamn I've spent my entire fuckin morning and afternoon on the goddamn internet catching up and shit! crikies!!!!

the fuckin PINATASSSSS!!! hahaha

SEXY TIMEEEEEEEE!!!

CONFETTTIII!!! hahaha

w0000t :D

yayayyy :D
PEELANDER!!!

hahahh, and here'z some pix from Anime Boston :)

Long live the DAM!

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:49:49 GMT

*sniff sniff*
It was exactly 1 year ago today........
embarking upon an incredible journey, with 3 companions...
a life changing experience and an amazing eye-opener...

AMSTERDAM.

I miss it so much and want to go back sooo badly. But alas, money issues... trips to Europe are expensive....
so this year.... it's gonna be the fuckin TORONTO CUP in June. oh hell yeah. Toronto is the shit, and from what I hear, it's gotten a hell of a lot better since I was there 2 years ago!! hehe!!!

so tonight... will be quiet celebration in the memory of the Dam... (I've been bummed out all month, I sooo wish I could just... go back righhhhttt now haha) and for you.... a repost of the fuckin awesome photos I posted from last year: Amsterdam pixxxx

off to my mundane reality for now........

wee33!

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 21:00:05 GMT

yeah, sleep has not been a very consistant theme lately. uggg. *rubs eyes*
I was literally dozing off during a meeting earlier, hehh.... bleghghh!! I'm at the comp lab atm, and going to head to Sbux pretty soon. I wish Sbux wasn't so damned expensive, it's burning a hole in my freakin pocket!! I need a Sbux slave, or something. ^.^

*yawn*

A woman thought I was 16, yesterday.
She was probably around 50ish herself, and was a customer who's stuff I'd been working on. We chit chatted a bit, and as usual, I was asked about if I went to school and all that other fuckin... just sooo ORIGINAL garbage.
When she was surprised at my age and told me I looked 16 "at most" I couldn't help but smile. I get that sort of reaction all the time from people, but hadn't heard a guess that low in a little while.
This made me particularly happy because of the way I looked at the time.
I was wearing completely normal clothing... my work uniform, and well... some really tall boots (which she couldnt see anyway)
I'm always under the assumption that a large part of what makes people think I'm a kid is 1) the way I dress sometimes and 2) my height, as I am not the tallest of persons, and could therefore still be a growing teenager for all they know.
But no... in these boots I'm around 5'10, pretty tall... and my clothing was absolutely normal, soooo... that means, she was just going off of my face, basically.
yay :D
I'm doing good. *smile*
I'm tryin anyway. been eating a bit better, shoppin at a fuckin Whole Foods now. I get like.. .half the fuckin groceries than a regular store cuz of the extreme price difference, but... hopefully it's worth it. heh.

well that was a few minutes worth of time so I think I'm going to mozy on over to Sbux now and get some retardedly expensive chai. I really could use a Sbux slave..... *raises eyebrow* ahem!

graghh, oh yeah... I have pics from St Patty's day, I gotta post those up next time when I have some more time.

some crapola from a draft:

I was not nervous as I stepped out of the room and onto the first set. The photographer was easy going, but had awful taste in music. When I voiced my discontent with his choice of music (some kind of rap which I’m sure any high school kid could have identified for me), he responded, “Oh, you’re into rock huh? Ok, how about some Jay-Z?”

I looked at him with disbelief of epic proportions. Had he REALLY just classified Jay-Z as rock?? To my extreme disappointment, the closest thing he had in his collection, was Linkin Park, whom I despised with a passion. I almost would have preferred the mainstream rap/pop music, but sadly, I knew that this was as good as it was going to get, and settled into the set to get to down to work.

cyaaaz!

Just 1 day left!

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:26:06 GMT

oh yeah.... there's just ONE DAY left to vote for me over in the FB models contest..... so go and do it plz!!
http://apps.facebook.com/fbmodels/welcome.php?vote_for=676630859
you can uninstall the app right after voting, if you wish.
thank you so much! <3

hmmm....

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:22:12 GMT

I have a feeling that sleep.... is not something I'm going to be getting a lot of, for the next few days....

wellpp... time to shower...
it's wayyyy too early...
I had weird dreams last night that I only partially remember...

happy Monday

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:18:32 GMT

don't have much time, I gotta scurry off to work momentarily, I haven't caught up on any emails... posts... comments anywhere... but here's a quick recap w/pixxxxxx

Friday, sweeeet
Sat was funnn, (aside from my shoot getting cancelled due to the fuckin torrential downpouring... AFTER I'd already woken up early! grrr) but yeeea.... went to fuckin IHOP and ate yummmmmy breakfast. then me
and Sara kicked the shit out of TMNT arcade on NES without even breaking a sweat. That shit was CRAZY dude....the last few times I played were with a couple of my guy friends and we barely even made it close to the end w/out dying....but for some reason me n Sara pwned the shit out of it like experts! Not only did we beat it but we were each at like...max lvl lives almost the whole time...never even saw the continue
screen at all! (You get 2 continues before its game overrr)
so yeah lol it was fuckin ridiculous. By the time we got to Shredder, we did each die like 3x but we had so many lives racked up that we didn't even fall below 3 lives left....hahahh oh man. Pretty swee3333t
man. and we were havin like full blown conversations about this n that, the whole time too...like...we fuckin ruined this shit w/out even trying haha. NICE. :D
fuckin awesome, beating that had been on my agenda for some time now.

after that went to go hang out with the guys from PowerGloveeeeeee and they were playin in the basement. I was surprised when a pit broke out, and it was a crazy one, had to hide off in the back hahah. I did get one pic though!

thats Nick the bass player whom I've been chatting with. we are brewing up some fuckin sweet ideas right now :D
I had brought some fuckin CUPCAKES down for the PG boyz and they somehow made it out alive after gettin tossed around a bit in my backpack... although the frosting was everywhere... hahah... I kept sayin they had looked much better before that happened, but they liked em anyways :D       we chilled afterwards and there was much reeferage....   I mean damn dude.   that was some goooood shit whatever it was, hahah.   pretty bowlpiece too, it was teh s3x!!

if u haven't heard of Powerglove btw... wtf is wrong with you...and where have you been!?
go here and listen to awesome metal NINTENDO SONGS haha. I have been a fan of these guys for awhile and 3 of them fuckin grew up right near me!! crazy shit!!
the fuckin po po ended up coming down to bust up their party, hahah.... we escaped that shit juuust in time......

last night was cool. I chilled with my new neighbor friends before meetin up w/my neighbor photographer... :D :D   we hit up a movie store that was closing and blowing away their inventory, so I got a shitload of Xbox games for like $40. :) That was pretty sweet cuz I really don't have that many Xbox games man. Josh got a bunch of 360 games :)
then I met up with Sap at the Sbux to get some coffee and catch up on stuff... and then we headed back to his apt to take a few test shots. first of all I was utterly fucking blown away by the building he lives in. uhhh... it's a 5 minute fuckin walk from where I am. He waits at the bus stop right before the one I wait at every day.    hows THAT for a close friend. wow dude.       =O   while we chatted he made some yummy tortellini with sundried tomatos and some olives, and we had some wine.   w000t!! it was yum!
we were only going to take a few shots but somehow ended up shooting for a good 2 hours!   it was very...sporadic... we just kinda worked with the lighting in the room... I wasn't even wearing makeup or anything.... but we ended up getting some awesome stuff!!    dude :)   like w000t!!!
here's 2 of the new pics, there's a few more, I'm going to use those on profile sites...

aww yea! I'm so psyched. we were both very pleased with the results and are psyched to begin what is going to be an awesome collaborative journey, this summer... :)

yaaaay w00t!!   this year is going to rule man.   I can feel it!!

gotta go... will be catching up on correspondences later...     bye :D

nachooossssssssss

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 06:50:34 GMT

haha dude.
last night was pretty awesome lol.
Sheldon took me out after class to properly celebrate my recent fuckin' achievements and total... scholarly awesomeness.. hehe... as well as my upcoming plans for the near future. our new buddy Tanya came too!
so... we'd been planning on celebrating this occasion for a little bit now, and I'd been telling Sheldon all along that I wanted... some fuckin NACCHOOOZZZ dude. nachos nachos.... nachoz pls!! booze too of course but... mostly NACHOS.
hahah.
so we went to this place near campus, a mexican-ish place that he'd been to before... and he assured me they had nachos. however, when we were seated and I asked for some nachos, the waitress shook her head and said... "no.. we don't do nachos..."
I did that combo of eyebrow raise/narrow eyes at Sheldon. hahahah. I'm about to get the fuck up and peace out. (...no fucking nachos in a fuckin MEXICAN resteraunt?? ok..?) He's like... "ok.. miss....we need to figure this out because I promised this lady some nachos... and I won't be able to walk out of here if we can't do that..."
lol so the manager comes over a minute later, I guess Sheldons been chillin w/this guy or whatever cuz he's being all friendly and chit-chatting about this and that, like they're old pals. I tell him whats up, I WANT SOME NACHOS DAMMIT. Sheldon starts boasting and telling this guy of all the assorted l33tness that is basically emanating from me lately. lol. and the mgr's like... "nooo problem. I'm a nacho guy myself. I can make this happen. check it out." pulls open the menu and shows me like 3 diff things on their menu to put together to form a gigantic fuckin... nacho buffet dude. chili... melted cheeze... some of that black bean/baby corn mix, salsa, fuckin guacamole, sour cream...lettuce n tomatos and jalePEN0zzz...   TWO pilez of chipz...
and it was all good hahah.
dude had that shit on the table in less than 10 minutes!! it was a FUCKIN FEAST DUDE:

(rofl at the shining beacon of sour cream in 1st pic, LOL)

I also ordered a frozen strawberry martini and it was ginormous... and gooooddd, lol.. strong.
then while I munched on salsa-cheezy-gaucamole-chili-sour cream n all sorts of stuff on torTiLLaz...I took out some of the excerpts I'd printed out and gave em to Tanya and Sheldon. got amazing feedback from both of them. Sheldon was LOL'ing every 30-60 seconds. Tanya said she couldn't wait to read more, like... asap. and that if was a book, that she would read it from start to finish and would not put it down.   I barely know this girl... so I know her comment was genuine, and not just her being a good friend and saying it was awesome, or something. Sheldon kept saying it was pure genius and $$ in the bank hahah. and these were only rough drafts... so I couldn't hide my joy that they had liked them so much. I hadn't shown my work to anyone aside from my teacher yet... who'd already given me some praise. so... for my first feedback from peers...   I was kind of content with myself, I guess.   cuz I really didn't know if it was any good or not.

but yeah. :D much joy and happiness was had as I devoured my incredible nacho buffet. I had ohh so much fun putting all the diff stuff on some of them... dippin this one in here, dipping that one in there.... puttin some of this, some of that... and O SHIT those jalepenos were hot man. hahah.    guhgugughgughhhhhhhh hmmmgghgmmmmm and the cheeeze ohhh mannn ghhh....

the only small cloud that darkened the mood for a little bit was when, while waiting for the rest of the dinner to get to the table... Sheldon had started to talk about this girl that he has recently been enamoured with. he's head over heels more of less... acts ridiculous around her, LITERALLY has been singing and dancing like every time I see him... the whole 9 yards, hah. He starts saying something like...
"It's astonishing.. I don't really understand it. How is it possible, that just by looking at her face, it can cause this dramatic of an effect on me? With just a simple movement of her eyebrow... or the corner of her mouth, I turn into this great big pile of... happy... GOO."
"How is that? I have never felt this way about anyone before. Not even my ex wife. How can just the mere sight of someone make you instantly happy like that?? It's like a drug! I don't know what to make of it! Have you ever heard of such a thing?"
and I felt the jovial expression melt off my face as I felt a little twinge of pain in my gut, and said,
"yeah.... actually... I do know what you mean. There is ... one person...that did exactly that, to me. *long pause* ....I'd never felt that way about anyone before either..."
Sheldon's eyes lit up as he understood, and he said "Oh!! Where IS the dude, anyway -- why isn't he here?! Get his ass down here!" and he nodded at my sidekick that was sitting on the table.
I smiled sadly and said "heh... guess I forgot to update you on that....." and stirred absently at the ice in my drink.
after a quiet few moments, as I stared into my martini, he gave me a clap on the hand and said, "It's ok Pinkster. Just stay focused, ok? We've got big things on the horizon for you."
he raised his glass; Tanya did too... and I smiled as that sadness washed away and said... "yeah dammit. it's time to blow the fuckin roof off this bitch."
and thennnnnn I downed the remaining half of my huuuge martini in about 3 seconds, and ordered another one on the rocks. hahah.
and we changed the subject to things like gettin sponsers & scholarships, and a couple of public apperances... funnn stuff :)

the fuckin hugeeeee smorgasboard of nachos was too much for me to finish entirely, but I polished off a good half of all the stuff in front of me. goddddaaayyummm it was good. excellent chili. I had some of Sheldon's black charred chicken and that was reaeeeaaaallly fuckin good too lol.

I wanted some fuckin dessert after that, so when the waitress came back, we said, alright, lets have the dessert menu. and she shakes her head for the second time that hour. "We don't have dessert...."

...*crickets*

what the FUCK kind of resteraunt/dinner establishment doesn't have a FUCKING DESSERT MENU!!??? or even like... ice cream or something? NOTHING? ... hello? money??
what the fuck....

I glared at her walking away and went off into a mini tyrade about the obsurdity that there were no dessert offerings whatsoever.

at this point it was almost 11 though and as we all know (if you're from around here lol) this beautiful city and all of its little outskirts start closing shit down between 9-10 - so there was pretty much no place we could have gone to get some fuckin' dessert. sooooo we trudged back to the car, but on the way back to my area, we passed by an open convienient store and Sheldon pulled over and gave me 20 bucks to go find some dessert in there. hahah. He wanted 2 pistachio chocolate candybars for himself.. I had nooo clue what he was talking about.

Tanya and I went runnin into the store (well... I was running... she was walking.... hahaha) and I kinda ran up and down the aisles... like a kid in a candy store!
unfortunately, this store kinda FUCKIN SUCKED... didn't have much of a selection of dessert type stuff AT ALL. =/ I got a moon pie though, and a bunch of candy haha... including some Kinder chocolate, w00t w00t. :)
I did find Sheldon's pistachio thing... I couldn't believe they had it, as I'd never even heard of it... but they only had 1. laaaAamme.

but yea, got back to the car and ripped the shit open, I was happy again, at least we did get some kinda dessert! :D I shoulda asked him for a piece of his pistachio candy bar... hmmm I'll have to try it sometime cuz I bet it's yummmmy.

we continued along the way, eating and laughing about our "dessert".   hehe.    then after just a few more minutes... the chariot arrived at da cribbbbb.... hehe
then, after I got out the car, Sheldon and Tanya both got out too and each gave me hugs and congratulated me. awwwWWW ...that was awesome =)

yeah... I was pretty happy when I got in. I was all rambling in IMs to C$ while I was laying down, haha. I really couldn't move a lot - I filled my tummy to the MAX dude. hahah. I talked so much about my candy it made him go out and walk like 8 blocks to a CVS and get some of his own. lol.

so yea last night was pretty fuckin fun. yay =D

this evening I went to a free metal show over at Tufts. I'd never been on their campus before -- uhhh... it's pretty LARGE. took awhile to find the... Oxfam cafe (hahahaha I remember when I did fundraising for Oxfam!! hahaha) ...the show was aight, nothing spectacular, but I didn't spend a goddamned dime on it so.. yeah. it's good to get out of the house sometimes. and today was nice out so I wasn't wearing that heavy ass jacket either - pretty pleased about that, I must say. I really reeeeally hope I'll be able to pack it into the closet again soon for a long vacation. plzplzplzzzzz

oh yeah!! daylight savings on Sunday! WOOT!! dude yaaaaay. there's light at the end of the tunnel =) I'm like... a hermit crab coming out of its shell! a butterfly almost ready to break out of it's cocoon!
WOOHOO!!! FUCK YOU GODDAMNED FUCKIN COLD ASS NEW ENGLAND MOTHERFUCKIN LONG-ASS WINTER!!!!! dieee!
hahah yeah...
I'm a wee bit excited.
things can only get better from here man.... even if some things start to get out of balance.... as a whole... things can only go UP man.

this summer is going to RULE.

w00t! k...nite niteyz!! :D

x0x0x

gettin freaked out, wow lol

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 17:39:55 GMT

ever tired of this constant weight upon my back
every day, slowly, subtly crushing
the will to breathe
bleak hopelessness, sadly gaze ahead and know
there are many long days ahead
(totally unrelated)

... I was gonna write about this a couple days ago actually, something I've been meaning to write about.
then today another related occurance has just unveiled itself and although I'm going to be late to work, I have to write about it now.

I guess I still have some of the power... some IS left.. to attain some things... sometimes. I am becoming rather fucking amazed by it for I thought it had dissapeared.
About 6 months ago I realized that I needed more friends like me. to be specific... more water friends... as I had none, except for one of my friends from high school, and my mother, who are both Cancer. so I kinda had the Cancer part covered already........I'd never had a good Pisces friend and somehow knew that was what I needed....
weeks and months went by but now...
4 of the 5 people I have just met and befriended recently are Pisces. the other is a Scorpio.... and I've even gained a Pisces as my lawyer...
I'm becoming good friends with all of them. (and Before this group of people I became close with another Scorpio, and an Aquarius!)
I wanted Pisces, and holy shit did I get some fuckin Pisces. heh.

I also began to wish for a helpful person to come along (again)... specifically... to help me with my web endeavors... and in the most unexpected of places, during a night I was dancin at the club... I met that person (water!).... albiet, his time is short and can only help me so much, but I am so sooo very grateful for any help at all. he is helping me with stuff right now and I'm finally going to be able to get some things back in order again.. :)

the other.... the other thing... now this shit is just fucking insane. this is the part that has me freaked out. I wished for this one too and the first time it came true (about a month ago) I was in awe for quite some time... but now... just an hour ago... it's happened again and my mind is blown wide open dude.

I wanted so much to have friends near me again. Not just friends, but people to work with. OMG this is so fucked up.....
since I don't have easy transportation anywhere, I wanted to have someone within walking distance of me.... that I could come and chill with whenever I wanted, or they could come and chill with me......
I even.. .fleetingly.... thought of a specific location... an EXACT BUILDING and thought, "it'd be nice to even have someone... right there...."
and it fuckin happened dude.
The Scorpio friend I have met... lives in THAT BUILDING.
now I don't live in a hugely populated town. It doesn't have much going for it... and I wished for that building sort of like a "yeahh... right about... there... that would be fuckin cool.. but no.. I've never known anyone there before... *sigh..."

that fuckin building. the EXACT spot. this building isn't very big. the whole time I've lived in this area I never knew anyone in it. .....holy fuck. that was profound enough.....
and now... the photographer that I wished to be close to... so that we could work together all the time... and have it be fun and relaxed and... someone I could trust...
he's appeared. someone I worked with a long time ago... and happened to fall back into contact with... on FB of all places.
we made plans to work again, I asked where he was at now... and just read his email to me....
he moved up the street from my fucking house.

...
holy fuck.

I really am blown away. I'm almost in shock, actually.
I was already amazed by the 2 other things - water people being given to me... and then, someone in the EXACT location that I had wanted....
and now this...
wow.
that's all I can say right now is just... wow dude.

the only part that doesn't fit was the other thing I have been longfully wishing for... and that was a simple yet deep one... just to be happy and have an awesome, loving....relationship. A few months ago I thought I was being granted that wish and thought there was a new beginning. My days had rays of sunshine again even when it was dark and raining, it didn't matter. I was so happy and felt like things had turned onto a new page... a new beginning, *I* sure fuckin felt that way about it, myself anyway. but I guess the other person didn't, and too quickly did the happiness wear off for him. much too quickly, before it was just back to the way things were before.. it wasn't special... or anything to be cherished... I was just there, another part of their apparently unhappy life... I didn't stand out. I saw this clearly but maintained hope.. and happiness, just happy for the chance to be next to him. to be with him... just to....look at him. it made me happy.
but nothing had changed for him, and one person can still only be half, and sometimes maybe a little more of the whole... but not all it.
and it didn't last. finally it broke me down after trying to hold on for awhile and just ignore it.. and the reaction I was met with..... only fed into the jagged gap between us....

so... instead of getting that wish, I got the opposite. I wonder if perhaps it had to be that way because maybe there wasn't a way I could have my wish, with that person...

because I know that when you wish hard enough for something... you will get it.... and these other things are nothing, but proof of that.

but for now... I am just so happy... truly... that my other ones are coming true. I am thankful to the universe. and thankful for the power... to be at least somewhat... in control of this life I have been given. and I am all done wishing for anything else right now. The genie has been good to me and I am not one to be greedy :)

... I'm an hour late to work now but I had to get that down...
andddd... on sunday I'm doing a test shoot with my new/old photographer friend... who lives right in my neighborhood now... :)

omg I AM SO HAPPY.... SO fucking happy dude.
wow :)

lalala

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 15:35:50 GMT

yay, Inuyasha visited me in my dreams last night and helped me get rid of some of that sexual frustration I've been feeling... haha WOOOT!! yay <333      He totally cuddled me after, too :D    I <3s my IY.
*giggle*

The 3 hours I spent in the library last night went to good use, got some good stuff on paper and felt spectacular afterwards, cuz I actually accomplished something!    By the time I left the library, I probably lost about 5 lbs due to the profuse amount of sweating. For some reason, they keep the library at like... 90..... it's all good for the first hour or two, just like... mildy uncomfortable.... but by the end of the 3 hours, I was kinda gasping for breath and my clothes were literally sticking to me.   I actually wasn't really finished yet, but at that point I simply could not take it any longer. I was drenched in sweat dude. Who needs a sauna?? just go to the GM library!
of course... I'm not really complaining all that much. It's better than sitting around in the frigid icebox that is my place. heh.

looks like there is some good shit goin on later in the month. more on that as it develops.    huh huh... develops.

no random poetry for the moment, I just got up and I have umpteen different errands to do, always fun.   arg, and my kitties are almost outta cat food again :/   there aren't any pet stores nearby. *sigh*   I have to bum a ride off one of my friends who can drive.   wow, these days... that number is pretty small haha. weird.

oh DAMMIT. I forgot, I have 40+ emails on freakin Facebook to deal with. =(    *sigh* guess I'll do that first.
I don't even want to look at my fagspace inboxes right now.............

"Kelly wouldn't fit, so I chop, chop CHOPPED HER!"

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:13:36 GMT

time slowing to a halt
grinding painfully
dust settles in small doses
symbiotic relationship taking over
raging fire obliterates
hiding what was once alive

my ribs are fuckin sore, haha... shit. hurts when I laugh, hmmmm I dunno if I should go down to the doc or not, even if my rib WAS cracked, I'm assuming they can't do much except tell me to take some motrin and tough it out. right? ><     that was a fuckin harsh spill dude. (again, NOT related to the HATCHET goodness, in case you're just tuning in...this happened way later!)

anyway here's a few of those fuckin party pix I promised :)    these were taken after all the damage was done, (that's covered in the VIDEOS, hehehe) and I'm giddy with glee, I HEART my hatchet :D     It's all dull now... needs to be sharpened!! hahah

somehow durin the course of the destruction, we cut a CLOWN SMILE into this piece!!   haha!!!

crazy fuckin maniacs...........
hahaa,   I can't wait for the fuckin' summer dude.   It's gonna be off the hook.   I know where I'll be spending a lot of fuckin time haha.... mmmm FIREEE!!!   XD

I'm gonna catch some zzzz's mad early tonight.    I need to recouperate..... no more liquor for a few days I think, haha, I gotta my head back on straight so I can continue being a gr8 student 'n shit.   lolz.........   oh yeah... I gotta go get my pic taken for my new ID...... I think I'm gonna wear my pink wig!!   hahaha!!!!

"tell me sir, what can you do? it looks like the joke's on you!"

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 00:56:49 GMT

tha fuckin HATCHET strikez again, beeyatch!!

oh it was fuckin ridiculous last night, we took a shitload of pix & VIDEOz too, hahaha. I'll be throwin all that shit up in the next week sometime. right now I am tired as fuck. just got home and mildy hungover, my fuckin ribs are bruised too and REALLY sore. hahah. the bruised ribs actually are not related to tha CHOPPIN activities, that occured later in the morning.   goddamn it kinda hurts a lot.. haha. I was afraid I mighta cracked my rib when it happened... but they're just mad sore.   my back is all stiff and my shoulder's sore too, thats DEF from all the SWINGING, hahah. I need a freakin massage like woah.   I may have to harass someone to give me one... maybe Angel @ work, he usually helps me out for a minute or two if I need it, and vice versa. haha.   which is nice cuz I sure as fuck never got massages from anyone else despite givin out plenty of them. but yea... one of the last times I partied upppp there I took one of the hardest spills of my life... and really was afraid I'd gotten a concussion... like... I was truly amazed I was able to get up from it, actually. with the amount of blunt force/trauma to my skull it really was kinda a miracle I didn't seem to get all that hurt. sure I had an awful headache the next day or 2 but....   wow haha I def should have been knocked out I think...

so yea good shit, I am so hurtin right now, but I gotta pull myself together cuz I'm about to head out for round 2....   I could really just stay home and pass the fuck out now but.... can't waste the rest of my weekend, cuz its all over tomorrow when I go back to work!

man... I need some more vodka & red bull............. must... wake up!!